Oh yes. The constant reoccurring theme that has the perfectionist and need-to-control person that I am, experiencing in high dosages lately. I’ve been working on this by talking to friends, energy healers, reading websites, going through books, meditating on, journaling on, tapping on… etc. I’m paralyzed by it in more ways then one and on so many levels. I have been really making the effort with loving kindness and a more mindful way, to release those blockages. I have been praying for ways of witnessing my fears and stepping out on the other side of it. As a friend recently quoted to me, moving towards ‘giving it wings so it transforms into courage’.
I’ve begun to see the repercussions of letting fear hold me back. Completely breakdown of relationships, barriers I create with friends that I do dearly love, making it harder for new people to get to know me, lost opportunities in work and businesses. The thing is, I KNOW everyone has fear. I am in AWE with how they maneuver life despite having it. Unfortunately, I am that person who wants their specific formula, steps, instructions etc so that I may follow it to a T. My thoughts are “well shit, if it worked for them, it will definitely work for me. I just have to do EXACTLY what they did to be as successful as them”. Why more so now then ever? I’ve always functioned and lived in fear, but then it was because I was playing safe. I was in my bunker and I kept the brave facade up. Now that I want to step into the world, BE present, BE mindful, CREATE intentions and LIVE these intentions, all the ways I’ve tried to play safe is showing me how much I created a lifestyle of avoidance, running away, blocking, pushing back and shutting down.
So, here I am. Traversing this path of insecurities, blockages, fear. I’m also traveling with more intention to clear those blockages, appreciate the fear but not be ruled by it, look at my insecurities and lovingly help ease them out. Here I am sitting in my meditations and placing my hands over my heart and saying that I do love myself, I forgive myself, I am compassionate and patient with myself, and that I am peace with myself. Here I am learning to sit in my fear and say ‘thank you for trying to protect me, but I am strong enough to do”.
Here I am. Here I am. Here I am. *Deep breath* Here. I. AM.
Missteps To Enlightenment 