That is what I have been guided to do this year. Is to clear as much as possible. First, let me explain.
The past year has been heavy peeling back and sloughing off of layers, but you know what I end up discovering after one layer is pulled back? Exactly, that I have even more underneath. I’m trying to come to grips with the reality that I will be peeling back layers until it’s time for me to expire from this place. HUGELY disappointing realization in my missteps to enlightenment. I mean, who the hell did I think I was? That… I’m actually still trying to figure out. One thing for sure is that I didn’t think it would be much harder work then I already felt it to be. I KNOW I’m doing better, but it’s like that movie sequence you sometimes see. You know when someone is running down the hall and they think they are about to reach the other end of if it when it suddenly shoots out to become even longer and the other end even further out then the last time? Yeah.. that. I hate that.
So, in my work of peeling and peeling and peeling, I’m getting blessed with interpersonal insights at a faster rate. The biggest one is that of Clearing. Really just changing and letting go. Clearing things on the physical level, such as getting rid of as much of my personal belongings as possible. It’s been interesting in that the desire is there, but the action just doesn’t match the desire. It’s been like having to break up with every single thing. I’ve embedded memories and feelings into all items I own. Throwing, donating, selling, giving away has felt like losing a part of me. It’s a good thing though, I just have to do it. I know I’ll feel lighter in the end and it will just make energy have that much more room to run around freely.
I also need to clear my stories and the patterns I’ve kept. The rut that I’ve kept myself in an effort to protect myself. They no longer serve me. They are pointless and rather now a multitude of balls and chains. I really try to see the lesson in what I’ve learned more so lately, but I need not collect them. Those stories and patterns served their purpose but keep putting these new layers on while I’m attempting to peel back and get as close as I can to the nitty gritty of who I am.
Also, this means clearing out toxic things in forms of people, way of thinking, behavior, beliefs and so forth. I honestly do expect people to dump me if I no longer align with them on a higher level. I may be hurt but I’ve come to realize that it is just how it is. Sometimes we find out why, most times we just have to move on without ever finding out what happened. On the flip side of that, there are some of those toxic people in my life that I do love and care for. I just can’t have them in my life with where they are in their mind at the moment. They are having their own experience and I think that I can respect the lessons that they are going through from afar. I believe that people can always come together again, friendships ebb and flow so I’m always opening to reconnecting if it works for both of us. In learning to respect and value myself more, this has been one of my must do.
There are more things that I plan on clearing, but you get the general gist. It’s also ever evolving and morphing as I transition and expand. I look forward to reflecting back at the end of this year and seeing how much more I’ve made room for by just clearing the ‘space’. I also won’t be hard on myself if I’m not where I am wanting to be with that. I know that in hindsight, I find that I am always where I am suppose to be because I’m shaped on so many levels from all the experiences. I would like to think that I’m a gold piece being refined from impurities, but made more malleable to life’s twists and turns.
Peace and love.
Missteps To Enlightenment 